[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.4s] We were unknowingly robbed at the last hell we were in.
[6.7s] But now you're telling me you have no money.
[8.8s] How do you not realize you don't have 500 gold?
[11.4s] That is quite a hefty just by weight.
[15.0s] Well, in our defense, we didn't know we had 500 gold to start with.
[19.2s] That's true.
[19.7s] And in my defense, I have quite the bubble booty.
[24.4s] There is a job posting board that could get you perhaps
[28.6s] the money you require to first pay me back.
[31.2s] Would food poisoning work for your little endeavors?
[34.0s] Yeah, no, this is going to really do the trick.
[36.5s] Yeah, when she sees what's coming out of you,
[38.5s] she's not going to come anywhere near you.
[40.4s] Oh, dear Lord.
[43.0s] I walk up to her confidently and I say,
[45.7s] I think you might be the bot I'm looking for.
[49.0s] Wonderful, wonderful.
[50.4s] Well, come have a seat.
[51.7s] Come have a seat.
[52.3s] Oh, thank you.
[53.0s] I must figure out what kind of jobs that these dirty jobs are
[56.8s] that you will be suggesting to me.
[58.6s] Pea collector, order judge, manual fart releaser,
[62.9s] dead person puppetry.
[64.1s] Hi, I'm Wise Master Mesix.
[67.1s] Well, Wise Master Mesix, I'll return with my friends in the morning.
[71.2s] I would expect so.
[72.9s] Tomorrow morning, be here before the bandit.
[86.8s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[98.7s] We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast
[101.3s] and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[103.3s] And with me today is Amy More.
[105.3s] I knew you were going to say that because I was mouthing along with you.
[108.2s] So were you really saying the words or was I making you say the words with my mind?
[113.0s] And I play Sullivan's slight.
[114.8s] I'm just a puppet.
[116.2s] Also with me today, Carla Maxted.
[119.0s] Not really comfortable with Amy having that kind of power,
[121.9s] but also I kind of like it.
[124.8s] So I'm not sure what that says about me, but I play Glim.
[128.3s] She tells me I have to like it.
[129.9s] And finally, Tom Laird.
[132.0s] Amy totally freaked my mind.
[134.6s] So it's going to take me a few minutes to recover and I'm playing moot.
[139.4s] Well, we're starting with some really weird energy today, everybody.
[142.8s] We just talked about how the world was awful
[144.9s] and now how Amy controls everything.
[148.3s] Oh, I went from controlling my husband to everything.
[150.5s] The world would be so awful.
[152.0s] That's right.
[152.9s] Just just me.
[154.6s] So anything might be a little harder.
[156.5s] Anything that happens in this episode is now Amy's fault.
[159.5s] Oh, perfect.
[161.8s] As if I wasn't.
[162.9s] You seem so intrigued.
[164.1s] Blame for stuff anyway.
[165.0s] That also means Amy gets all the credit for all the good things.
[169.0s] That's true.
[169.8s] I'm willing to take that based on the notes I have written down here today.
[174.0s] Oh, the note wasn't reward party with riches, magical items.
[179.6s] Oh, no, we have to earn them monies.
[181.9s] Got to earn them monies so you can pay exorbitantly high priced potatoes.
[187.6s] Potatoes.
[188.2s] So hard for money.
[190.3s] I have to say I really laughed when the episode came out in the feed
[194.0s] and was literally called potatoes with an exclamation mark.
[196.8s] It was very funny.
[197.4s] Potatoes.
[198.4s] There's no other name for it.
[200.9s] Where you can help us name things like NPCs and items is over on Patreon.
[205.3s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[207.6s] Where when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
[212.0s] Like today's patron, Michael Newman.
[217.5s] Thank you, Newman.
[220.6s] Newman.
[220.9s] Took on a real Seinfeld vibe here.
[222.6s] That's what I was going for.
[224.2s] And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
[229.9s] We find the three of you, Moot, Glim, and Sully, standing out in the street in front of a house.
[236.8s] The house is blue.
[240.5s] The large pillars stand out amongst all the other houses on this street.
[247.0s] Glim, you know this is the house of wise master Mesix.
[250.2s] You are looking down at the note that you took off of the jobs board
[255.9s] here in this fine city of El Tiro.
[259.9s] So guys, remember the job that I went to go do?
[262.6s] He said bookkeepers needed, but not really.
[265.4s] I mean, he literally needs bookkeepers.
[268.3s] Bandit wizards are trying to steal his personal library of arcane books
[272.2s] and he wanted tough, preferably illiterate bodies to defend the
[277.0s] collection until he can secure safer storage.
[279.0s] So I went and talked to him and he thinks that I'm illiterate.
[282.6s] There's books everywhere and they seem like kind of random, but there's books everywhere.
[287.2s] Like floor to ceiling, everywhere.
[289.8s] And he was acting pretty strange in that he wouldn't let me see him for a very long time.
[296.6s] And then I did see him and I just should warn you before we meet him,
[301.0s] he looks a little bit unusual.
[302.6s] So maybe just keep that in mind and don't be surprised when you see him.
[311.2s] Also, I worked him up from his rate.
[313.4s] He was originally offering not very much money,
[315.8s] but instead we're going to get 75 gold for two days work.
[322.4s] Is that 75 gold each or 75 gold to split between the three of us?
[328.0s] I think each.
[329.4s] I feel like I was a real tough negotiator.
[331.9s] Oh, I like the sound of that.
[334.3s] Now, what do you mean when you say he looks different?
[340.9s] Well, he doesn't look like anyone that I've ever seen before.
[345.8s] But you've been like nowhere.
[348.3s] That's true.
[349.9s] You're right.
[350.9s] Maybe he looks normal and I just haven't seen enough of the world to know.
[356.2s] What does he look like?
[358.4s] I don't remember.
[360.6s] He's really tall and thin and blue and he's very-
[367.0s] Like he's sad or depressed?
[368.8s] No, like literally blue.
[370.9s] Like he'd been holding his breath a long time?
[373.6s] Well, no, like the sky or the actual coloration of his skin is blue.
[385.8s] Yes, I mean, it's very smooth.
[389.6s] His features are very smooth.
[393.0s] So I should ask about his skin care regimen.
[397.3s] Maybe, unless it turned his skin blue,
[400.9s] in which case only if you want your skin to turn blue.
[406.0s] Well, I mean, 75 gold each every two days is pretty good,
[410.7s] but how long is this job lasting for?
[414.6s] It's only supposed to take a couple days.
[416.4s] Oh.
[417.4s] He's just trying to find a place to get his books somewhere else
[420.7s] and these people are trying to get it, these bandit wizards.
[424.6s] Oh, the other thing-
[425.2s] Bandit wizards?
[426.2s] He has a really high squeaky voice.
[431.4s] Just so you know, just be cool is I guess what I'm saying.
[437.4s] How important is this being a literate thing?
[442.3s] I think he doesn't want the people to know what the books are about or say.
[449.8s] They didn't seem to be anything cohesively secret,
[455.8s] but I did pretend that I couldn't read them.
[460.1s] So maybe X-Nay the note-taking?
[466.0s] Okay, or maybe I could take my notes in orc.
[471.8s] I could just be a literate for common.
[474.3s] That's a really good point.
[476.3s] Yeah, I mean, it said a literate.
[479.1s] I don't know if all the books were in common,
[481.1s] but maybe when we go in, you'll see there's a lot of books.
[483.8s] And if they all seem to just be in common or not orcish,
[486.5s] then maybe that'd be fine.
[488.0s] Okay.
[490.2s] Should we get the details about what I've signed us up for?
[495.8s] Well, sure.
[496.2s] It kind of seems like it's a done deal now.
[498.1s] Should we go back and let the fine gentleman at Nodda Library know
[503.6s] that we're going to pay our bill in just a couple days?
[508.5s] Well, I thought-
[510.0s] Oh, I already took care of it.
[511.8s] Yeah, Moodle already paid it because he did the thing with the vomiting.
[514.7s] Maybe, yeah.
[515.1s] I poisoned the guy.
[516.1s] Yeah, sorry.
[517.8s] My thing took a lot longer than I expected.
[521.6s] Yeah, how did yours go?
[522.8s] Well, I know a lot of gross jobs.
[526.3s] Yeah, that sounds right.
[529.0s] I'm not surprised.
[529.8s] You probably were really good at that job.
[531.0s] It was a few hours worth of work,
[533.0s] but I feel like I got paid very little for it.
[540.7s] Let's go.
[542.6s] Okay.
[543.9s] I mean, we don't really need the money anymore,
[545.8s] but I guess we do need money.
[547.4s] Well, I mean, we do need money.
[549.6s] I said that we would do it.
[551.8s] He seems pleasant enough.
[553.5s] Just, yeah, you'll see.
[557.0s] And I go knock on the door.
[560.2s] You wait a moment,
[561.4s] and then you hear the same booming voice
[566.3s] come out from the door and says,
[568.7s] Yes?
[569.2s] Yes?
[572.2s] Why is master me six?
[573.4s] It's Glim and my friends.
[575.0s] We're here to help.
[577.2s] Of course.
[580.3s] And the door unlatches and creaks open.
[586.8s] Man, this guy sounds like fucking the master
[589.9s] of his own goddamn domain.
[593.5s] Well, you'll see.
[595.5s] You enter,
[596.3s] and Glim, you see the same setup as previously,
[599.0s] but Sully and Moot,
[599.9s] you see books piled high to the ceiling in some places.
[605.0s] And really, there's only like a path through them
[608.4s] that snakes its way through the living areas
[611.5s] and back into this main portion of the house.
[614.5s] Would you say kind of like how Mrs. Kim's antique shop
[618.4s] is in Gilmore Girls?
[621.8s] Oh, that's fun.
[622.7s] Yeah.
[623.9s] Don't say that like you've never seen
[625.4s] Gilmore Girls multiple times.
[628.1s] I'm presuming it's very packed
[631.1s] with just a snaking path through it
[635.0s] like I described.
[636.1s] Yes.
[639.1s] Wow, this looks like a real book lover's dream,
[642.5s] you know, if you're into reading
[644.0s] and can do such things like that.
[647.0s] And then I look towards Glim and I thumbs up.
[651.1s] I gave him a thumbs up.
[652.5s] I realized I did that silently.
[654.6s] It's a podcast.
[655.2s] No one knew.
[656.3s] You make your way back to the curtain
[658.5s] where previously Glim you had met wise master Mesix
[661.9s] and from behind the curtain
[663.7s] you hear the same booming voice and says,
[665.8s] you know, your friends cannot read, correct?
[673.6s] I prefer to be read too.
[677.5s] Yeah, I really like when people do the work for me
[681.0s] because it's real slow going when I try it.
[684.1s] Like one word an hour.
[684.7s] I'm legally blind in one of my eyes.
[688.3s] Both of you make a deception roll.
[696.7s] 13.
[698.7s] 19.
[701.1s] Mood's been lined with everyone.
[702.4s] Who is this guy?
[703.5s] Such a good liar.
[704.8s] Who knew?
[705.5s] Good, good.
[707.9s] All right, prepare yourselves.
[710.7s] I'm going to step out from the curtain now.
[714.7s] Okay.
[715.3s] Are you ready?
[719.9s] We're ready wise master Mesix.
[722.6s] The curtain is swiftly drawn back
[725.0s] and you see a hooded figure standing in robes.
[728.6s] They step forward towards you.
[731.2s] You see blue hands but they don't have fingers.
[735.5s] More just round mitten type hands come out from the sleeves.
[743.2s] And they raise towards the hood and lift it up over
[747.0s] and you see a smooth headed,
[752.7s] you can only describe it as somewhat alien in nature
[757.2s] with a tuft of small hair off the top.
[760.8s] And they look up at you and say,
[764.3s] Well, it's time to move the books now.
[769.9s] Okay, we're ready.
[771.4s] Good.
[773.0s] What do you need us to do?
[774.3s] You're going to move the books some kind of magical way
[776.7s] and we'll just protect you?
[778.9s] Or are we putting them in boxes?
[781.8s] Well, we could put them in boxes.
[785.3s] But yes, I was planning on moving some magically
[787.7s] so they danced like down the hallway.
[790.3s] But who is good at dancing?
[794.0s] I'm your guy.
[795.1s] Great.
[795.8s] Dancing, excellent.
[797.9s] And who's good at keeping watch?
[799.8s] We don't want the bandit wizards to sneak up on us
[803.1s] as we are transferring all of this wealth of knowledge.
[808.4s] I can keep watch.
[810.7s] Excellent.
[811.8s] I'm quite strong and big and...
[815.0s] Good.
[815.6s] Keen-eyed.
[817.5s] Good.
[818.0s] Well, I mean, we'll keep the big strong one up at the front
[821.7s] and the smaller ones can carry the books behind me.
[826.3s] That seems like a great idea.
[827.5s] Hold on a second.
[828.7s] What?
[830.2s] He called me big and strong, guys.
[832.6s] You are big and strong.
[834.6s] Well, I mean, I used to be bigger.
[835.5s] I thought he was talking about Glim, true.
[839.9s] I was talking about Glim.
[843.3s] Oh, that's so embarrassing for me.
[847.0s] I'm sorry.
[847.8s] Common isn't my first language,
[849.9s] so sometimes I get confused as to who's being referenced.
[853.4s] What is your name?
[854.7s] Sorry.
[855.5s] What is your name?
[860.7s] Moot.
[862.3s] Good.
[863.0s] And your name?
[865.2s] Sullivan Sly, but everyone calls me Sully.
[868.7s] Great.
[869.9s] Neither of you can read, right?
[873.2s] Yeah, buddy.
[875.1s] Yep.
[875.5s] And I have got zero interest, to be honest with you.
[878.1s] I have so many other interests.
[881.9s] How many?
[883.1s] Well, at least seven.
[885.9s] Oh, I think it's more than seven, Sully.
[887.7s] Well, you know.
[888.5s] List them.
[889.8s] Shock Suit Testa, Barnyard Masturbator.
[904.7s] So you've got some new interests from putting together your list.
[908.1s] That's two.
[909.1s] Barnyard Masturbator made the list.
[911.4s] Yeah.
[911.7s] It was just so interesting.
[912.6s] In the number two slot.
[914.1s] Cool, cool.
[917.0s] Professional crowd comedian heckler.
[921.9s] Wait, do you heckle the crowd or the comedian?
[924.6s] Yes.
[930.9s] Clothologist.
[933.1s] I can look at you.
[934.1s] Is that related to the linen arena?
[935.6s] Yes, it's very similar.
[936.8s] It's along the same lines.
[938.7s] Also linens, big fan of linens.
[941.5s] And then I also really enjoy sometimes putting colors on stuff.
[947.4s] And then sometimes animals intrigue me.
[955.8s] You are an interesting creature who has information that I do not.
[962.7s] I will have to pick your brain later.
[965.6s] Witchpot.
[966.3s] Putting colors on stuff.
[968.2s] Barnyard Masturbator.
[970.3s] Shock Suit Testa.
[972.4s] Yes.
[973.5s] Well, okay.
[974.0s] Well, we got a lot to talk about.
[976.1s] Good.
[976.7s] So who's keeping watch?
[980.2s] Well, I can keep watch or do you want me to lift things?
[982.3s] That's fine.
[983.1s] You can keep watch.
[984.3s] Okay.
[984.8s] You go stand up by the window there.
[988.0s] Okay.
[990.4s] Is the window blocked by books?
[992.0s] Yes, you must climb over the books to get to the window.
[996.3s] Okay.
[998.4s] So I go and I'm like scooting books to the side.
[1002.1s] Edging my way sideways over to the window.
[1004.1s] Careful.
[1005.1s] Careful with the knowledge that is held within these tomes.
[1009.9s] And again, what kind of like do the books seem cohesive?
[1016.2s] It's just a jumble of like cookbooks.
[1019.9s] Yeah, it's like it's like it's as if someone went to the library
[1025.1s] and it was their first day at the library
[1027.1s] and they just took out anything that looked like it was halfway interesting.
[1032.6s] That's awesome.
[1033.5s] So no real like I mean you see a couple books that are on magic,
[1038.6s] a couple books just on like day-to-day financing,
[1042.2s] some books on decorating, cooking.
[1045.4s] A lot of self-help.
[1046.7s] Self-helps in there.
[1047.9s] Some books on like Are You There God?
[1049.6s] It's Me Margaret.
[1050.7s] A lot of chicken soup for the soul.
[1051.3s] Whole bunch of Judy Blooms in the corner.
[1055.2s] Reader's Digest, he's got the full, you know, gamut.
[1059.4s] The full abridged books from Reader's Digest.
[1062.5s] Exactly.
[1064.5s] So you go up to the window and you are looking out
[1067.1s] and he goes up to Moot and says,
[1068.9s] Will you, what is your story?
[1070.4s] One who doesn't speak very good common.
[1073.9s] Well, I'm a half-orc.
[1077.9s] Why just half?
[1080.9s] Because I'm only half.
[1085.1s] That's how it works.
[1086.7s] He looks to Sully and says,
[1088.3s] He understands that you don't describe something
[1092.7s] with the same term you use to say it, right?
[1095.9s] No, obviously he does not understand that.
[1098.5s] But let me let you know how.
[1100.3s] So like his someone's a human and someone's an orc
[1104.3s] and then Sully makes a lot of real crude gestures
[1107.6s] and then points at Moot and goes like ta-da.
[1110.7s] He's a barnyard masturbator then.
[1114.1s] Well, I don't know what he does on his free time, but hmm.
[1119.1s] We'll have to talk more about both of these things.
[1121.1s] All right, grab some books.
[1122.8s] Come with me down this tunnel.
[1124.8s] And he leads back behind the curtain
[1126.9s] and there is a dugout tunnel that leads down
[1130.9s] into the ground and back to the West.
[1137.1s] I grab the lightest looking pile of books
[1141.8s] and follow Master Me6.
[1146.6s] I also grab a pile of books and cast Mayshan
[1152.6s] to crab claw up another couple of books.
[1157.1s] Okay, roll the Dead Sweet Beautiful D20 footage.
[1162.8s] Four.
[1165.1s] Okay, you're good.
[1166.3s] Okay, you're good.
[1171.0s] Okay, you-
[1171.8s] Does he know what he's aiming for when he rolls that D20?
[1174.4s] Yeah, do I?
[1176.4s] Yeah, because he doesn't look like he knows.
[1178.2s] Is it like more than 10 there's a consequence,
[1180.3s] less than 10 there's no consequence?
[1181.9s] I want to say it's like a 5% chance,
[1183.8s] but I don't remember if it's the one or the 20.
[1186.5s] For the Wild Magic Surge, it's the one.
[1188.7s] Yeah, yeah, okay.
[1191.4s] Yes, okay, you all do this.
[1193.9s] Um, Me6 looks back at you and says,
[1197.1s] you, how did you learn to do that?
[1199.6s] Oh, the crab claw?
[1203.0s] Yeah.
[1203.2s] That's sort of my own,
[1205.4s] my own choice on Mayshan.
[1207.1s] Maybe you're familiar with it?
[1209.1s] I am.
[1210.5s] I had to read about it, though.
[1212.1s] How did you learn it?
[1214.1s] Oh, I had a teacher that taught me.
[1217.9s] See, I have access to Wild Magic.
[1221.8s] So I don't read anything to learn magic,
[1224.7s] I just kind of try it, and sometimes it works.
[1229.8s] And sometimes it makes me shorter.
[1234.8s] Yeah, imagine this guy, but only like seven inches taller.
[1238.3s] He was magnificent.
[1240.3s] He goes wide-eyed, he says, that can happen?
[1244.4s] It did happen, yeah.
[1245.9s] Wow.
[1247.5s] I'm drifting into Flamikins, I gotta watch out.
[1251.8s] Glim, up at the front, make a perception check
[1256.2s] as your friends follow Master Me6 down.
[1259.3s] You also see books begin to, like,
[1263.5s] Sorcerer's Apprentice start dancing out of the room following behind you.
[1269.5s] 15.
[1271.0s] As this continues to happen, you see books just jumping to attention one after the other.
[1276.1s] You hear random yelling coming from the tunnel,
[1282.0s] like maybe they're doing something wrong.
[1284.3s] Your friends, that is.
[1286.3s] You see out and down the street two people who appear to be hooded,
[1292.7s] one taller, one shorter, walking in the general direction of the house.
[1300.5s] Why is Master Me6?
[1302.5s] Yeah, just a second!
[1304.1s] I forgot to ask what the bandit wizards look like.
[1309.6s] He comes trudging up from the basement and says,
[1313.5s] um, well, there's a couple, and they, you know what a wizard looks like.
[1324.0s] Well, I mean, I think, no, wizards can look all sorts of different ways.
[1329.6s] Okay, but battle wizards specifically, they wear hoods.
[1332.8s] Oh, I mean, there's two people approaching wearing hoods right now.
[1337.1s] Do you think?
[1338.5s] Interesting.
[1341.1s] Um, yes, that could be them.
[1344.5s] Are you prepared to do battle?
[1348.1s] Um, see what they do first, and then maybe decide to prepare to do battle.
[1358.0s] Do you think that the, um,
[1361.1s] do you think that the villains that are coming for your books are going to be sneaky,
[1367.9s] or they're just gonna, just gonna barge in and start taking books?
[1372.0s] They seem like they are very, in the past experiences I've had with them,
[1377.1s] very forthcoming with what they are trying to do.
[1380.8s] Okay, and is what they're trying to do take books or murder or?
[1385.5s] Yes, primarily book taking, hence the requirement
[1389.9s] the required muscle I need for protecting the books.
[1395.2s] Okay, well, I'll just.
[1397.1s] I don't know about the murder.
[1399.1s] Be careful about that though.
[1400.9s] I certainly will.
[1401.5s] That sounds like it could be bad.
[1403.6s] Okay, well, I'll just keep watch on these two then.
[1407.9s] Great, I'm gonna give you this.
[1409.5s] And he hands you a small device, something you've never seen before.
[1414.7s] It's kind of a, it feels hard like steel, but a little, but not quite steel.
[1424.0s] It's soft and it kind of crinkles to the touch.
[1427.9s] Like it could break at any moment.
[1431.6s] And he says, just push that button, that one right there.
[1434.8s] And he pushes a button and it like,
[1439.1s] so just push that when you want to say something.
[1441.9s] And then I'll be able to hear you.
[1444.1s] Magic.
[1448.1s] Okay, that is, that is magic.
[1451.7s] Did he give her a bag of tinfoil covered leftovers?
[1456.2s] What a picture.
[1457.5s] I think he gave me a walkie talkie.
[1459.2s] Yes, the second one.
[1460.3s] Which sounds like I've probably talked about this on this podcast before,
[1463.9s] because it is literally one of my favorite terms.
[1466.6s] Walkie talkie.
[1468.1s] It's so, it's so literal.
[1470.2s] It's so adorable.
[1471.0s] So whimsical.
[1472.5s] I'm pretty sure Canadians invented it and therefore the name.
[1475.9s] So go Canada.
[1477.7s] But walkie talkie sounds like something you would make up for a children's book,
[1481.1s] but it's not.
[1482.7s] It's like a real thing and it's great.
[1485.4s] Well, think about movies.
[1489.1s] You know, you're right.
[1490.3s] In olden days, people just came up.
[1492.9s] It's a movie.
[1493.7s] They were very literal, weren't they?
[1495.9s] Yeah.
[1497.9s] I'm going to keep moving books now.
[1500.3s] You just push the button if you need anything.
[1503.5s] Okay, I'll let you know what they do.
[1506.5s] He runs back down the stairs and we cut back to Moot and Sully,
[1511.9s] who have been left alone for the moment,
[1513.9s] and you're walking down this way carrying the books that you took.
[1518.6s] He seemed pretty impressed when he saw my magic, hey?
[1523.9s] Oh yeah, he thought you were the bee's knees, my friend.
[1527.5s] Do bees have knees?
[1531.1s] I think their little appendages do bend, so I'm going to say yeah.
[1535.1s] Hmm, all right.
[1536.0s] Or are they elbows?
[1538.0s] Oh.
[1539.4s] This is a deep conversation that Moot and Sully are getting up to in the tunnels.
[1544.4s] You hear footsteps running up behind you again and he's like,
[1547.9s] you're doing a great job!
[1550.2s] And you round a bend into a wide open underground cavernous chamber.
[1556.1s] Holy shit.
[1557.6s] That has books piled up along a far wall and he rushes,
[1561.7s] kind of pushes by you and rushes into this and he says, just stack them anywhere.
[1568.1s] What are you doing with all these books, Weissmaster Mesix?
[1572.1s] Hiding them from the battle wizards.
[1576.5s] Why do they want to steal your books?
[1579.3s] Because they want the knowledge that is contained within them.
[1583.9s] Couldn't they just go to one of those book places
[1586.2s] where you can read all those books for free?
[1588.3s] What is that called?
[1591.5s] I really want Sully to nail this one.
[1596.0s] He can't now that you said that.
[1600.3s] A bookery?
[1602.0s] A bookery?
[1603.3s] You mean a library, Sully?
[1605.5s] We went to one before.
[1607.6s] No, that wasn't a library.
[1609.1s] You went to a library?
[1610.7s] No, we went to not a library.
[1612.3s] Oh, it was not a library.
[1613.7s] That's right.
[1614.3s] It was the well-known tavern where they charge too much money for their food.
[1621.9s] Right?
[1622.4s] All those potatoes.
[1625.4s] The potatoes is where they get you.
[1626.9s] They lure you in with how much you get.
[1631.3s] That's why we had to take some odd jobs around to pay off those potatoes.
[1635.6s] You had to take a job to pay?
[1637.5s] Wow.
[1638.7s] Well, you know what?
[1639.6s] These sticky-fingered sons of bitch goblins stole our money.
[1643.8s] Yeah, they were deep in the jam.
[1645.3s] They were all turnt up.
[1647.5s] There are many words here that don't make any sense
[1650.4s] and you will need to explain them all right now.
[1655.0s] Tunt means all sorts of fucked up.
[1656.7s] There was a giant jam of jar or jam of jar of jam.
[1659.9s] A jam of jar.
[1661.0s] There was a giant jar of jam.
[1665.8s] We cut back to Glim.
[1668.0s] The two figures are now standing out front of the house.
[1675.9s] Seems like they're conversing amongst themselves.
[1678.5s] Pointing up to the house and opening a book,
[1683.0s] closing a book, putting it back in their pocket.
[1685.7s] One of them takes a drink from a flask, puts it back down.
[1689.7s] It's waving his arms wildly.
[1693.6s] Does Glim come out and go, I see you already have a book.
[1698.6s] Nothing to see here.
[1703.7s] It's nothing else for you.
[1707.6s] I think I'm just gonna keep eyeballing them.
[1712.3s] Can I see, I guess I can't see any, just robes.
[1716.0s] Yeah, mostly robes.
[1716.8s] You see beneath that they look like they have their,
[1721.5s] I mean, you've seen like...
[1724.0s] They're humanoid.
[1726.2s] Yes.
[1726.8s] Okay.
[1727.5s] They look like humans.
[1728.7s] Profiles.
[1729.5s] That's the word I was looking for.
[1733.6s] There's been a lot of wild hand motions.
[1735.5s] Trying to figure out what the word profiling is.
[1737.7s] Not silhouette, it's profile.
[1739.8s] You've seen the profile of them and they appear to be humanoid,
[1743.8s] at the very least humanoid.
[1745.1s] What about, do they have any fingers?
[1747.1s] They do have fingers.
[1748.3s] Fingers, interesting.
[1749.5s] Now, didn't think I'd be asking that when I start at this game, but here we are.
[1754.8s] That's fair.
[1755.9s] Okay, maintaining watch.
[1757.5s] Yes.
[1758.1s] Okay, back down.
[1760.0s] The books continue moving into the chamber freely.
[1764.4s] The three of you are just standing there,
[1766.4s] unless you say you're specifically doing something else.
[1768.7s] No, I think we're answering all MasterMe6 questions.
[1772.6s] Deep in it.
[1773.3s] He is taking notes as well and the books are piling up high behind him.
[1780.7s] Both of you make a perception check.
[1782.4s] Well, it's a 19 before bonuses, so I'm sure it'll be fine.
[1788.8s] 11.
[1789.9s] Oh, it's a 19.
[1790.9s] I have no bonus for perception.
[1793.1s] Perfect.
[1793.5s] Both of you see as the books begin piling up,
[1797.1s] they're not piling in a structurally sound way
[1801.4s] and you see them begin to tip forward towards Wise MasterMe6.
[1808.2s] I dive at him.
[1809.2s] Look out!
[1809.8s] And I say, blue buddy!
[1811.2s] And I tackle him around the waist to push him over before a stack falls on him.
[1815.8s] Okay, make some sort of athletics, probably, or acrobatics.
[1824.4s] Well, acrobatics is plus five, which would bring me up to 23.
[1830.0s] You dive in front of him and as Moot yells, look out, you dive towards him.
[1836.9s] He looks behind him and you push him and you feel this energy cast out around both of you
[1848.2s] and the books falling hit the energy field and fall to the ground.
[1853.6s] You see the books hit and almost bounce off of the two of them as they hit the ground.
[1860.0s] Whoa, what was that?
[1862.7s] We in some sort of protective bubble.
[1864.6s] That was really cool.
[1866.1s] Yes, yes, it's called mage armor.
[1872.7s] Is that something you could teach me to do?
[1876.8s] Well, one who doesn't read, you wouldn't be able to learn it from a book,
[1880.2s] so I might have to teach you.
[1882.7s] I mean, that would be great.
[1884.5s] I would love that.
[1886.6s] Can you teach me too?
[1887.6s] I don't know how to do any magics, but it seems like it'd be real handy.
[1891.3s] I appreciate your quick refLexes, but you seem like a lost cause in this moment.
[1896.7s] Yeah, okay, that's fair.
[1897.6s] I don't want to take you away from your passions of barnyard masturbation
[1904.1s] or shark tester.
[1908.3s] Shark suit tester.
[1909.8s] Shark suit tester.
[1910.7s] I forgot to say also keystering.
[1912.8s] We'll get to that after.
[1914.9s] He goes and begins teaching you various hand motions and telling you to repeat phrases,
[1925.0s] that sort of thing.
[1925.6s] And we cut back to Glim.
[1927.3s] The two figures out in the street, you see them kind of just shrug
[1931.4s] and one of the taller one is like pointing to the door towards the house.
[1936.7s] Like just like you can tell he's, you know,
[1940.0s] maybe telling the smaller person to maybe go knock and you get that kind of feeling.
[1946.1s] It's just so hard.
[1947.1s] Glim just wants to like open the door and be like,
[1950.1s] do you can I, what do you need?
[1952.6s] Do you need help?
[1953.3s] But she's not going to do that.
[1955.2s] After a few back and forths, the smaller humanoid defeatedly shoulders slumped,
[1964.4s] just arms hanging, walks up to the door and then you hear just a weak knock.
[1974.7s] I'll go to the door and say, hello?
[1978.5s] Yeah. Hi. Um, is, uh, are you the owner of the house?
[1988.4s] Can I help you with something?
[1990.7s] Well, um, we have to find the owner of the house.
[1995.9s] Oh, is it an emergency or are they in danger?
[2001.1s] It could be the end of the world if we don't find the owner of the house.
[2006.1s] Oh, that's very dramatic.
[2007.9s] What's the owner's name?
[2009.5s] Um, well, that depends what he told you.
[2012.9s] Um, it usually revolves around, you know, some sort of me seeks.
[2020.5s] Whatever he puts around that sometimes changes.
[2024.4s] Please explain.
[2026.5s] Well, can I, can I come in or you come out?
[2032.7s] I feel like talking through the door is a little impersonal.
[2035.7s] Oh, hold on. And I pick up the, the, the talkie walkie.
[2043.9s] Okay.
[2045.0s] No, I don't.
[2047.3s] I like that you're narrating your steps for the man on the other side of the door.
[2050.7s] I don't say that out loud.
[2052.4s] Oops.
[2052.9s] You said hold on.
[2054.0s] Yeah. Um, and say master me seeks.
[2065.7s] It's the middle now and we're back.
[2080.3s] Off the air.
[2081.1s] Amy told us she knew what she was going to do.
[2084.1s] She had something.
[2085.5s] She was ready.
[2086.1s] And she nailed it.
[2087.3s] She really nailed it.
[2088.1s] It was very good.
[2088.7s] I think you're even your mice distance.
[2090.2s] Yeah, it was perfect.
[2091.5s] Levels did not peak.
[2092.4s] Wow.
[2093.0s] Perfect.
[2093.9s] I'm learning.
[2095.4s] I was going for, um, maybe like, uh, some sort of like, uh, Brazilian, um, soccer commentator.
[2106.3s] We totally got it.
[2107.2s] Also, we reached a goal.
[2109.1s] We did.
[2109.9s] Where did we reach that goal?
[2111.8s] On Patreon.
[2113.7s] Everybody, you're awesome.
[2115.5s] Over on Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2117.9s] We have goals that we set so that we can do, uh, tangible things for the podcast
[2122.6s] as well as special bonus things for our patrons and our listeners.
[2127.7s] And, uh, when we reach this goal, uh, we now have the ability to, uh, sign up for
[2134.3s] a program that will allow us to transcribe our episodes with much greater ease.
[2139.9s] So it does the bulk of the work.
[2141.3s] And then we just need to go through and fine tune it, which is very cool and very awesome.
[2146.4s] So thank you, uh, for being a patron and thank you for listening and spreading the word about us.
[2151.9s] But you know what I really like about this goal and about having a service that can transcribe
[2157.8s] is that we are becoming more accessible for, for others.
[2161.7s] For sure.
[2162.3s] It's something we've talked about for so long and there just wasn't like a tangible
[2165.7s] way to do it.
[2166.8s] Then the longer we wait, the more difficult it became.
[2170.7s] And it was like, oh, this is a never ending cycle.
[2173.6s] But now we have a service that we can do that and more quickly just between the four
[2179.5s] of us and whoever else wants to help us out, send us an email in there and just edit it
[2183.4s] quickly and cleanly and hopefully quickly and cleanly.
[2186.0s] Well, that that's yet to be seen.
[2187.5s] Um, but then post that up on our website and wherever we can and, you know, more
[2192.4s] people can come listen to us or not listen to us, but enjoy the podcast in another
[2197.6s] way.
[2198.1s] So thank you.
[2199.4s] Um, also part of that goal.
[2200.9s] What do we get to do everybody?
[2202.2s] We just decided in our latest gook hang hang out.
[2205.2s] Don't say that.
[2208.1s] You're setting that up for failure right there.
[2211.5s] Don't you do that to people?
[2213.2s] We are doing a character swap episode.
[2217.0s] Yes, we are.
[2218.3s] Are we saying what the specifics?
[2220.7s] Absolutely.
[2221.8s] Okay, let's do it.
[2223.3s] Who's DMing?
[2224.3s] Cause that got put in the hat too.
[2227.4s] I rolled the lowest.
[2229.5s] Surprise, surprise.
[2231.9s] It was still a good roll.
[2232.9s] It was still a very good roll.
[2234.1s] It was a 69.
[2236.2s] So if I'm going to roll low, might as well roll sexy low.
[2239.3s] Nice.
[2239.9s] That's right.
[2240.5s] And sexy low.
[2242.5s] Is that what it was for?
[2244.2s] I don't know.
[2245.2s] Um, sexy low.
[2246.7s] And I will be DMing because of it.
[2249.0s] So Amy, give us a little insight onto what you're going to plan.
[2253.5s] Well, I just got these bitch and dice.
[2255.5s] So I plan on killing everyone.
[2259.3s] Thank God.
[2259.7s] This is non-canonical.
[2261.1s] Non-canonical game based on that alone.
[2264.8s] That alone.
[2266.0s] But then that means Tom and myself and Carla all got different characters
[2271.9s] because we didn't allow ourselves to play a character that we've already played before.
[2275.5s] Oh, now hold on.
[2276.3s] I'm the DM.
[2277.5s] Russ, what's your character?
[2279.1s] I get to play drum roll moot.
[2283.8s] How do you feel about that?
[2284.6s] I feel really great about it.
[2285.9s] I'm going to have to brush up on my moodisms, my note taking,
[2290.5s] my.
[2291.0s] Just write a lot of things down.
[2292.3s] While magicking.
[2293.1s] Calm your shit downing.
[2295.0s] I will calm my shit down.
[2296.7s] Everyone will be thusly surprised if Russ ends up not completely fucking everything up
[2302.0s] and going wild.
[2303.3s] Bat shit crazy.
[2304.2s] Moot is a wild magic sorcerer.
[2305.9s] It's built in.
[2306.7s] I know.
[2307.0s] I mean, wild is in the title.
[2308.7s] Yes, but does Moot feel that in his heart?
[2312.3s] Going on.
[2312.9s] Tom, who are you playing?
[2314.6s] I am playing the one and only Sullivan Slate.
[2317.8s] Yeah, you are.
[2318.5s] Do him proud, buddy.
[2319.5s] How do you feel about that?
[2321.6s] I need to think of a lot of jobs that I've done.
[2325.1s] And then just bring them up whenever you want to.
[2326.8s] Yeah, just slide them into the conversation.
[2329.3s] Work on your accent now.
[2331.2s] Oh, boy.
[2331.7s] Yeah, that's going to be a tough one.
[2333.1s] I'm going to have to just binge episodes of the podcast to get it down.
[2336.4s] Just isolate.
[2336.7s] We'll have a little training session.
[2339.4s] Yeah, I can send you just her tracks throughout that whole thing.
[2342.7s] Perfect.
[2343.4s] Carla, who are you playing?
[2346.0s] Well, to round out the cast of our two little baby level two characters,
[2351.6s] I will be playing an ancient dragon.
[2357.1s] What color?
[2360.3s] Brass, bronze, copper.
[2362.6s] These are all the same color, you guys.
[2365.5s] They're completely different metals, Carla.
[2367.2s] Oh, my God.
[2368.9s] I will be playing, yes, copper dragon.
[2371.9s] So I am so excited to see how Amy makes that work
[2375.0s] because I'm very powerful.
[2377.1s] I don't know any of my stats.
[2378.7s] It's all a fun surprise.
[2379.9s] It's Tazmakella.
[2381.1s] Tazmakella.
[2381.9s] Tazmakella.
[2382.7s] Now, you may remember Tazmakella from the Dragon Council episode
[2385.9s] played by one Katie May of Dungeon's Dice and Everything Nice
[2389.2s] who stole a certain bag from Thea.
[2392.3s] And Amy's not at all mad about it.
[2394.4s] It's fine.
[2395.1s] Yeah, and Moot and Sully get to team up with an ancient copper dragon.
[2400.4s] That's right.
[2401.6s] I love it.
[2403.1s] It's going to be gold.
[2404.8s] Patrons suggested who they wanted in the hat for us to pick who got played
[2410.6s] and that's what came up.
[2411.5s] That's what we get.
[2412.4s] So if you become a patron at the $5 level or higher,
[2415.9s] you'll be able to hear that coming up in the next month or so,
[2419.9s] month or two, depending on when we can get scheduled to,
[2422.3s] well, when Amy can plan it and then when we can schedule it.
[2425.1s] Seven months later.
[2426.5s] No, we got to do it quickly.
[2427.7s] 14 years later.
[2430.3s] Look, this isn't Austin Powers, OK?
[2432.7s] The year is 2071.
[2437.1s] The players have grown old.
[2439.2s] But no, thank you everybody for that.
[2441.4s] Visit us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[2443.7s] to check out all the details about that and our upcoming goal,
[2447.1s] which is another character swap where we're putting all new names in the hat
[2451.1s] and it's going to be super awesome.
[2452.9s] So thank you.
[2454.8s] And now we'll get you back to the episode.
[2457.6s] Have a great week.
[2462.7s] And down in the cavern, you moot and wise master me six are
[2472.8s] you're practicing now.
[2474.0s] You're getting into it.
[2476.0s] Describe to me how me six is
[2479.7s] how you are interpreting what he's telling you.
[2481.8s] Also, I'm Sully.
[2484.4s] You moot and master me six.
[2486.5s] You moot and master me six.
[2489.5s] Yeah, but then you're not talking to me.
[2492.0s] I didn't say I was talking to you.
[2493.9s] You moot.
[2499.5s] There is too much of a pause to sound like you moot and master me six.
[2503.5s] And I'm like, wait a minute.
[2505.0s] What?
[2505.5s] Because I was specifying who was the you who was the you in that moment.
[2509.2s] You mean this has nothing to do with me.
[2511.3s] You presently are a lost cause in this moment.
[2516.1s] So he said.
[2518.3s] I start to organize the books on by size.
[2522.2s] Sorry, I start to make a fort.
[2523.5s] What did you say before he jumped in?
[2529.5s] Describe what you're interpreting from how he's teaching you how to do mage armor.
[2536.1s] Yeah, I kind of I got the feeling from wise master me six that
[2542.3s] it's like you gather energy and it kind of coats your body with it,
[2548.3s] thus protecting you.
[2549.5s] So it's like grabbing.
[2551.4s] I don't want to say like particles, but yeah, grabbing like bits and pieces of energy and
[2556.6s] kind of creating a second skin, if you will.
[2559.7s] OK, now you go practice over there.
[2562.2s] I'll push books on you later.
[2564.3s] OK, sounds great.
[2566.0s] He picks up the walkie talkie as he previously heard Glim's call and he pushes it.
[2571.5s] Yeah, what's up?
[2573.4s] Well, the people inside one of them knocked.
[2576.9s] They seem to know you.
[2579.4s] Those are the battle wizards.
[2580.5s] Don't let them in.
[2582.9s] They don't seem very badly.
[2586.3s] That's how they lure you in with their ability to seem like they're completely
[2593.2s] incompetent.
[2595.1s] OK, can you can you explain why do you have a feud with them?
[2604.7s] What's it seems?
[2607.3s] What do you want to know?
[2608.4s] Well, why are they?
[2612.9s] You knew they were coming enough to put up a notice.
[2616.7s] They're trying to get the information before I can get the information.
[2621.2s] Um, OK, they don't seem very.
[2628.3s] OK, is that music in there?
[2633.9s] And I put the walkie talkie away.
[2635.8s] How do you how do you how do you know me six?
[2641.9s] Well, we kind of created him explain.
[2646.9s] Well, where we're from, you can push a button and it creates a me six.
[2653.9s] If I open this door, do you promise I'm not going to have to kill you?
[2658.4s] I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't kill me.
[2662.3s] Well, I don't want to have to, but I will if I have to.
[2667.1s] Oh, OK, I'll try.
[2669.1s] Do you need me to I'll keep my hands out of my pockets.
[2673.1s] OK, I'm going to open the door.
[2675.3s] You're not going to come in.
[2677.0s] No.
[2678.0s] OK, so I'm going to pull up my war pick.
[2682.3s] So I look very intimidating when I open the door and I'm going to walk out.
[2689.7s] And I guess like almost close it behind me as you step out.
[2694.4s] You see beneath his beneath his hood, you see his face and it's a small
[2699.8s] it kind of looks like a teenage boy, red, curly hair.
[2706.3s] He's got his hands up as he as he described and he sees you step out
[2710.7s] and he's like, Whoa, that's just a great crap crap crap.
[2714.9s] Big dog, I need help.
[2718.9s] Maybe you could take the hood, take that all the way down.
[2723.6s] He takes the hood down.
[2725.0s] Yeah, no, I you're you're you sound a lot nicer than than you look.
[2734.1s] You look scary.
[2735.9s] Well, I am very strong.
[2739.1s] So, I mean, it's I have a destiny.
[2742.0s] It's we don't need to get into that right now.
[2744.4s] We have a destiny, too, and it's to stop me six from doing what he's supposed to do.
[2750.5s] What is he supposed to do?
[2754.7s] Well, he was given a task, which was to learn everything about this world before anyone else.
[2762.4s] Oh, but you said you're not from this world.
[2765.5s] No, we kind of found ourselves here.
[2769.6s] Me six was created, and that was the first thing that came out of the people's mouths.
[2776.3s] We were with they were trying to be funny.
[2779.2s] But if he learns all of the things that he could learn,
[2782.7s] he could cause serious damage before he learns everything else.
[2789.1s] I'm so confused.
[2790.7s] Where where are you from?
[2793.5s] Oh, we're from a place called not here.
[2802.2s] Is that near not a library here?
[2805.1s] Very close.
[2806.4s] Actually, the poor I mean, the the the the hallway is very near there.
[2816.6s] OK, so what do you want to do?
[2818.5s] You want to take Mr. Meeseeks?
[2821.9s] The taller figure walks over and he's like, look,
[2830.3s] we just need to get the Meeseeks.
[2833.9s] And and then we'll be on our way.
[2837.2s] And you are and I turn and look very intimidating.
[2840.5s] Well, as as my friend here,
[2843.1s] Kat Silverson said, I'm Grandpa Big Dog.
[2847.4s] So, Kat, is it?
[2850.0s] Yeah, Kath, Kath Silverson.
[2856.9s] And Grandpa Big Dog, you say?
[2860.3s] Yep, Grandpa Big Dog.
[2861.4s] That's that's what they call me.
[2864.2s] OK, well, maybe you could take your hood down, too.
[2869.6s] All right.
[2870.5s] He takes his hood down and there's an older man
[2873.5s] and he's got very wild and crazy white hair,
[2879.6s] a bit of drool coming out of his mouth,
[2882.3s] takes a sip from his flask as he does.
[2884.6s] So he says, look, I can show you how we create the Meeseeks,
[2888.3s] but then we've got to be able to take the Meeseeks.
[2891.8s] We've got to we've got to be able to get rid of it.
[2894.4s] Otherwise, it could cause the end of your world.
[2897.7s] So you're going to make another one?
[2899.7s] Oh, yeah.
[2901.9s] Don't act exasperated with me.
[2903.8s] I think you're the one creating all of these problems.
[2906.9s] You're not wrong.
[2908.2s] Yeah, you're not wrong.
[2909.5s] He kind of creates a shush.
[2912.2s] If it will help you, I will create a Meeseeks,
[2916.9s] give him a small task and he shall disappear.
[2921.3s] I see.
[2926.4s] OK.
[2927.8s] He pulls out a gray box with a giant red button
[2930.6s] and he says, here, push it.
[2932.5s] I'd rather not.
[2935.0s] All right.
[2935.9s] Well, I would have seen how much you were willing to play along.
[2939.5s] He holds it down to Kath and he says, just push it.
[2943.1s] And Kath pushes the button and out of nowhere,
[2946.2s] another Meeseeks and he says, hi, I'm Meeseeks.
[2950.2s] What can I do for you?
[2954.6s] So just give him a small task.
[2957.6s] Oh, could you pick this up?
[2960.9s] And I pick up a pebble and throw it on the ground.
[2964.3s] Boy, can I.
[2965.9s] He reaches down, picks up the pebble and hands it back to you.
[2968.8s] Here you go.
[2970.3s] Great.
[2970.8s] Thanks.
[2971.6s] He takes the pebble and he says, all right, bye now.
[2975.6s] And he's gone.
[2977.3s] I see.
[2978.8s] So you told this Meeseeks he needed to learn everything in the world?
[2983.5s] Me specifically, no.
[2984.7s] The people we were drinking with, yes.
[2987.2s] Hmm.
[2989.8s] Well, that seems like it was a very bad idea.
[2993.2s] We cut back down to Sully and Moot.
[2997.2s] And you see Sully throwing books at Moot.
[2999.8s] Right.
[3000.1s] I was going to say, can I just be hucking books?
[3004.7s] Yeah, that's great.
[3005.9s] Look at you guys go.
[3006.9s] And you see him, you see Wise Meeseeks reading through books behind you
[3011.4s] as they're kind of coming in.
[3012.5s] He's scanning through them.
[3013.9s] Are the books hitting me at all, Russ?
[3017.7s] Or have I figured it out?
[3019.2s] Is it like 50-50?
[3024.3s] Yeah.
[3024.8s] How do we want to determine if this works?
[3027.4s] For a first little while, I'm going to say they hit you.
[3029.9s] OK.
[3031.2s] How hard do they hit him, Sully?
[3033.1s] I mean, he would just be lobbing them at me, I think.
[3035.6s] Not like overhand spiking or anything.
[3039.9s] Well, well, it's Sully.
[3043.2s] That's why I asked Sully and not Moot.
[3044.7s] It's hard to say.
[3045.8s] Should have been more specific.
[3047.4s] I think at first, there were a couple lobs.
[3050.7s] And I think that it was almost like a fun game of catch.
[3054.0s] Like I, you know, underhand toss one, right?
[3058.1s] Moot would catch it and be like, oh, not yet, not yet.
[3062.3s] And then I'd start to pick up pace.
[3064.7s] One after the other, after the other, after the other.
[3066.9s] And he would lose track of them.
[3068.1s] And then I think I was just starting like a dodgeball fight.
[3072.0s] But you got caught up in it.
[3074.0s] It was so exciting.
[3074.5s] I did.
[3075.1s] I got all swept up.
[3077.4s] OK, so yeah, the first few, they make it past
[3080.2s] and just hit you square in the chest.
[3081.9s] And then they, you know, he begins going fast.
[3084.7s] A couple start to work and they glance off of you.
[3087.7s] Come on, you got to get angry.
[3088.9s] Yeah, you got to get angry at it.
[3090.6s] Come on.
[3091.1s] You got to do this under high pressure situations.
[3093.5s] You can't be knowing when it's going to be coming.
[3096.1s] And then they start just rapid firing at you.
[3098.2s] And a few of them like hit you in the face and the arms.
[3100.5s] But as you get maybe angry, you tell me how you get
[3104.1s] as they start actually hitting you.
[3106.3s] Don't you wish you were a real wizard?
[3110.7s] I get like an almost zen-like calmness that's going on.
[3117.5s] The books aren't affecting me whatsoever anymore.
[3122.8s] And I've achieved mage armor.
[3125.7s] They begin bouncing off and flying off of him.
[3128.9s] And Mesix is like, yes, you did it, one who can't read.
[3134.1s] Thanks, Vice Master Mesix.
[3136.8s] This is boring now.
[3138.0s] The books continue to filter in and then slowly begin to stop.
[3141.9s] And as he's quickly scanning through them,
[3144.3s] he reaches the last book and he says,
[3147.5s] Well, I feel like that's all I need to know.
[3154.3s] And he puts the book down and then stands there for a moment.
[3158.0s] And nothing happens.
[3162.4s] No.
[3165.5s] Well, how about you two come with me
[3168.1s] and we've got to go find more to learn.
[3170.7s] More to learn?
[3172.5s] Yeah, well, we haven't learned at all.
[3173.7s] Look at all these books.
[3174.4s] There's still apparently something to know.
[3176.1s] Do we have to go back up and get more books?
[3179.3s] Well, this should be all the books.
[3180.4s] I told them all to come follow down behind us.
[3183.2s] Well, wait, let's, well, okay, now hold on a second.
[3186.7s] Are you going to like secure them in here
[3189.5s] so that your angry wizards don't get them?
[3192.9s] What about that book that you wrote?
[3195.3s] Do you have a copy of that?
[3197.2s] You wrote a book?
[3198.2s] I did not write a book.
[3199.9s] Well, he orated it, right?
[3201.8s] Yes.
[3203.1s] I gave a few ideas to someone else who was writing a book.
[3208.7s] Really?
[3209.5s] Yeah.
[3209.9s] What was your book about?
[3211.9s] Uh, Gross Jobs.
[3213.5s] Interest me.
[3217.0s] I just listed Gross Jobs.
[3219.4s] Walk with me and tell me about all of your gross jobs.
[3222.3s] Okay, so I already mentioned Banya Masebeta.
[3225.9s] As your list continues on,
[3227.3s] the three of you walk back out of the cavern
[3229.4s] and he, like, with a swipe of his hand,
[3232.7s] the dirt begins to mold back around the room,
[3236.8s] so securing the books inside.
[3239.4s] You begin to head back upstairs where we cut back to Glim,
[3242.4s] who's speaking with Grandpa Big Dog and Kath Silverson.
[3245.5s] He's like, look, we just need to get past you.
[3247.5s] Do I hear that at all?
[3248.8s] I do have the door slightly ajar behind me.
[3251.1s] This, like, chamber closing in on itself?
[3255.1s] They were down the tunnel.
[3257.2s] Down the tunnel.
[3257.9s] They're walking back up the tunnel now.
[3260.3s] You've heard less movement of books.
[3263.0s] Like, you could hear, like, the books dancing across the room,
[3267.5s] but now less movement of that.
[3268.7s] And he's like, look, we just need to get past you.
[3271.5s] Yeah, I'm not going to let you pass me.
[3272.8s] Hold on.
[3273.3s] Oh, we can take care of the Mesecs.
[3277.2s] And are the books all gone now?
[3278.7s] The books are all gone.
[3280.0s] OK.
[3282.9s] Do I see or hear them yet?
[3285.1s] You hear low muffled noise, the sound of Sully.
[3290.8s] So they're, like, a ways away still.
[3292.5s] Yeah.
[3293.1s] OK, I'm going to open the door again.
[3294.8s] What do you mean you're going to take care of the Mesecs?
[3296.6s] What are you going to do to the Mesecs?
[3299.2s] As you open back the door, you see that Grandpa Big Dog's hand
[3303.0s] is on something, and he kind of sneaks it back into his robe.
[3306.3s] And he's like, we're going to get rid of the Mesecs
[3309.4s] before he learns absolutely everything
[3311.1s] and can rule the world before he learns.
[3313.8s] OK, we're going to stop the Mesecs
[3315.8s] before he almost learns everything
[3317.5s] and then can rule the world trying to know everything.
[3320.9s] But if he knows everything, won't he just, like,
[3323.0s] disappear like that other one did when he picked up the rock?
[3325.5s] Yeah, but it's what happens as he's trying to achieve that.
[3331.3s] What do you got in your pocket there?
[3334.7s] Mesecs box.
[3341.1s] What does that mean?
[3342.7s] So you're not going to kill him?
[3343.6s] You're just going to put him in a box?
[3345.1s] I mean, that's eventually where they go,
[3346.5s] is they go back into the Mesecs box.
[3352.1s] And it's not going to hurt him.
[3356.0s] I mean, can a Mesecs feel?
[3358.3s] I didn't even know a Mesecs was a thing.
[3360.4s] This is very interesting.
[3362.3s] Yes, yes.
[3363.9s] So Mesecs don't feel anything.
[3366.0s] I forgot.
[3366.6s] I should have led with that.
[3368.7s] Mesecs, they're here one minute, they're gone the next.
[3373.8s] And that's all you need to know.
[3377.0s] And we're just here to clean up the mess of somebody else.
[3380.4s] OK, I'll be back in a second.
[3381.7s] I'm going to go back inside and close the door.
[3385.5s] And open the door again.
[3386.4s] Can you guys keep it down out here?
[3387.7s] I'm trying to work out a situation.
[3389.4s] Maybe like stay a bit hidden or something.
[3391.9s] What?
[3394.7s] OK.
[3398.2s] Master Mesecs?
[3400.9s] So you have to put your finger where?
[3404.3s] Oh, yeah.
[3405.3s] So like right up there and push the hemorrhoids.
[3409.0s] Oh, hey.
[3410.3s] Hi.
[3411.6s] Yeah.
[3412.0s] Looks like you got all your books moved.
[3414.6s] I did.
[3415.0s] I was just learning some very interesting things from your friend here.
[3418.3s] I bet you were.
[3419.5s] Sully does know all the most interesting things.
[3422.6s] I mean, he told me 99 jobs out of 100 job book.
[3425.7s] What was the last job?
[3429.0s] Oh, a bitch ain't one.
[3432.0s] Oh.
[3432.3s] Oh, you see him kind of stop and puzzled as he kind of you see his eyes roll back
[3450.8s] into his head as his hands move up.
[3454.7s] And it's almost like he's trying to count, but he has mitten hands.
[3457.5s] So it's like he's counting one.
[3461.5s] Just one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, zero, one, one.
[3466.5s] And then he pops out of existence and his robes drop to the ground.
[3473.0s] Oh, God, I broke Mr. Mesecs.
[3475.7s] Sully, what did you do?
[3477.3s] Well, guys, I think.
[3481.4s] Sully, I think.
[3483.9s] I think you saved the day.
[3487.6s] What?
[3487.9s] No, that doesn't sound like me.
[3489.1s] From the list of jobs?
[3492.1s] I just finished telling him about how to put hemorrhoids back into a person.
[3496.5s] I'm not entirely sure that that is anywhere on par with saving a day.
[3502.0s] Well.
[3502.7s] Unless you're that person who's getting those hemorrhoids pushed back in,
[3505.8s] because let me tell you.
[3507.5s] I'll explain everything, but.
[3509.9s] And I opened the door.
[3512.0s] Did we come in yet?
[3512.7s] Are the guys still there?
[3513.7s] Yeah, oh yeah, we're still here.
[3515.8s] Well, great news.
[3517.5s] Great news.
[3518.3s] Good.
[3519.8s] He disappeared.
[3521.0s] Yeah, I destroyed the blue guy.
[3524.3s] Are you sure he disappeared or didn't learn to teleport and is now just somewhere else?
[3529.6s] Well, how could I possibly know that?
[3532.3s] Can I come in?
[3533.5s] Well, his robes fell to the floor.
[3535.9s] Wouldn't a teleporting person take their clothes with them?
[3540.8s] Look, sometimes with teleportation or time travel or anything like that,
[3546.6s] sometimes your clothes can't go with you.
[3548.3s] But if you let me come in, I can do a quick test and then we'll be done.
[3553.2s] Okay, well, grandpa big dog.
[3556.2s] That's me.
[3557.1s] Grandpa big dog.
[3557.9s] Bad ass name, my man.
[3559.5s] Bad ass name.
[3561.1s] Hey, don't make-
[3561.4s] Are you going to make me have to kill you?
[3564.6s] If I let you in here, am I going to have to kill you?
[3566.3s] Because I'd really rather not.
[3567.5s] Look, you can't kill me.
[3568.5s] You might be able to kill Kat Silverson over here,
[3571.1s] but you're not going to be able to kill me.
[3573.7s] I mean, I like your confidence, but.
[3579.1s] Okay, come on in.
[3580.8s] He steps in and like pushes past you and like stumbles up the stairs.
[3585.9s] And the three of you see him pull a device out of his pocket.
[3590.2s] It's got like a sign reading that goes across of it.
[3595.3s] And it's got lights up on the top.
[3597.3s] And he's looking at it.
[3598.0s] He's like, yeah, okay, Seth,
[3600.7s] Kath, it's time to go.
[3602.1s] Music's gone.
[3604.6s] All right, grandpa big dog.
[3605.9s] Do we got to clean up anything here?
[3607.7s] No, these people won't understand what just happened.
[3611.5s] Where did he go?
[3613.5s] Uh, back home.
[3617.9s] Back home.
[3620.7s] Are you guys going to go back home now?
[3623.3s] Yep.
[3623.9s] And you see him pull what looks like a small crossbow out of his hand,
[3630.3s] only it's like a very shiny steel.
[3633.5s] And he points it at the ground kind of near you
[3637.1s] and fires it.
[3638.0s] And then this green wash of energy comes out over the floor
[3643.2s] and he pushes Kath in and says, all right, time to go.
[3646.8s] And Kath goes, ah, and he jumps in behind him
[3649.6s] and the green wash of energy sucks up.
[3653.2s] And grandpa big dog and Kath Silverson are gone now.
[3661.9s] What the fuck just happened?
[3663.6s] So, I don't even know if I can explain.
[3671.1s] They created him.
[3672.3s] He was created to complete a task.
[3674.1s] They made a different one for me.
[3675.9s] He did a task and then he pooped, disappeared.
[3677.9s] And then, but they told this one, why is master music?
[3681.4s] He had to learn everything in this whole world.
[3683.1s] That's why he wanted all the books.
[3684.5s] And he needed to get all of the knowledge in the world
[3686.6s] before he had completed his task and he could disappear.
[3689.2s] So, Sully,
[3690.6s] your incredibly important hemorrhoid knowledge
[3693.8s] was the last thing in the world he hadn't learned.
[3698.1s] That's amazing, Sully.
[3699.6s] So, I think your key string saved the day.
[3704.5s] It does more times than you can imagine.
[3720.7s] The intro music long road ahead is by Kavin MacLeod
[3733.9s] of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[3736.2s] The song Rick and Morty Remix is by Leslie Y
[3739.5s] at soundcloud.com slash L-E-S-L-I-E-W-A-I.
[3745.0s] All other music, sound effects, and ambience
[3747.5s] can be found at epidemicsound.com.
[3750.4s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers Christian Brown,
[3753.9s] Creighton's Raven, Devin Michaels, Gabriel Lynch,
[3757.3s] Jacob Madden, Joshua Dixon, and Cat Waterflame.
[3760.7s] To become a patron, visit Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
[3764.3s] where you get exclusive content,
[3766.0s] including an entire exclusive campaign,
[3768.6s] Dumgeon's downtime episodes, early access to our new show Facing Fate,
[3772.9s] as well as a whole slew of other amazing bonus exclusive content.
[3777.4s] Visit Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast to check it out today.
[3782.0s] Today's patron.
[3783.9s] I didn't write it down.
[3786.3s] Thank you, I didn't write it down.
[3792.3s] We find Moot, Glim, and Sully standing out in the street in front of a house.
[3799.6s] Did you just kill someone, Carla?
[3801.1s] What happened?
[3801.9s] Rach, is that?
[3803.4s] I'm sorry.
[3804.3s] I had my phone and things kept making noise
[3806.6s] and it wasn't my phone but it was making me paranoid it was my phone.
[3809.3s] So I tossed it gently onto my chair that is outside of my booth
[3814.3s] and it landed and then bounced not gently onto the floor.
[3818.3s] So that was the face.
[3819.3s] I'm very sorry, Rach.
[3820.3s] We've made it three seconds into the episode.
[3823.2s] It's okay.
[3823.6s] I messed it up first by not having the patrons.
[3825.5s] It's fine.
[3825.9s] Okay.
[3826.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.